If I Were the Secretary of Labor

By: Michael D. Thompson

ESPN broadcaster Keith Olbermann recently held a mock press conference in which he pretended to be the new Commissioner of Baseball, and explained how he would improve the game in that role.  For example, World Series games would start early enough for kids to watch them, the designated hitter would be eliminated, and Vin Scully would call all World Series games.

I’d like to do something similar.  I am pleased to inform you that, for the rest of this blog entry, let’s assume that I am the new Secretary of Labor.

Effective immediately:

1. An employer’s liability to inadvertently misclassified employees will be limited to half-time (rather than time-and-a-half) if the employer has a published policy, and receives a signed acknowledgment, stating: "I understand that my salary is intended to compensate me for all hours worked in any given workweek."
2. If an individual has an independently-established business, he or she is an independent contractor. Case closed. Anyone who has the wherewithal to set up his or her own business is capable of making a decision about whether the terms of a business relationship are acceptable.
3. New Jersey’s child labor law exception allowing minors under the age of 16 to work as beekeepers is preempted by a new federal regulation to the contrary. Okay, this one does not come up much.  But do we really want a law that says a 15-year old can be left in charge of a charge of a swarm of bees?  That sounds like a Hitchcock movie.
4. The “professional” exemption’s focus on jobs held by employees who get their advanced knowledge in school is expanded.  The exemption now extends explicitly to jobs requiring “knowledge of an advanced type customarily acquired through five or more years of on-the-job experience.”
5. Employers do NOT have to pay employees who only worked overtime because they played fantasy football or shopped online during regular hours.
6. The “administrative” exemption will now be called the “independent judgment” exemption, and will apply to any employee with a salary of at least $800 per week who normally exercises discretion and independent judgment. The part of the “administrative” exemption requiring that the employee’s primary duty must be administrative in nature is eliminated because the Courts never seemed clear on how to apply it.

Let’s get to work.